Wednesday Number Ones is a weekly feature here at Comic Pants. We take the books that are premiering a first issue from that week and give a quick opinion on them. From time to time we may also include more than issue number ones in this feature. If a noteworthy one-shot or the first issue of a new story arc is released, we may talk about it in this feature.

This week we will cover 24 Nightfall #1 of 6, Connor Hawke Dragons Blood #1 of 6, Damaged #1, Drain #1, Elephantmen #0, Enigma Cipher #1 of 2, Mischief Night Special #1, Planetary Brigade Origins #1 of 3, Punisher War Journal #1, Red Menace #1 of 6, Simpsons Winter Wingding #1, Turistas Other Side of Paradise Book One and Zombies: Eclipse Of The Undead #1.

Dave Farabee Read and Thought:

Turistas - The Other Side of Paradise (IDW): IDW should be better than a book like this. What you get for your four bucks is two badly written, cheaply illustrated exploitation horror stories about self-absorbed Americans getting jacked in foreign countries. Part Tales From the Crypt, part tame Cannibal Holocaust, this is the kind of book where the artist makes a point to show nipplage on the hot tourist chick when the natives take her off to her fate. Trashy, and not even in an entertaining way.

The Simpsons Winter Wing Ding (Bongo Entertainment): Like most Simpsons comics, this holiday special’s more grin-inducing than laugh-out-loud funny. Even Paul Dini, who pens the opening story, only comes up with a few genuinely winning bits. In other words, it’s about as good as the average episode of the current Simpsons.

Punisher War Journal #1 (Marvel Comics): Is it the shiny, Simon Bisley-esque art? Is it the Punisher’s quippy narrative monologue? Or his latest tech-guy having a base filled with munchkin-sized Iron Man robots? Maybe it’s the fact that new-to-Marvel writer Matt Fraction is offing longstanding (if c-list) supervillains in this book without having added anything original to the setting himself? Actually, it’s probably all of the above that mark the new Punisher book as a colossal dud. Punisher-fiends, buy the first issue if you really want to see Frank Castle making Gilligan’s Island references, but if you want to see Punisher put to good use, check out Ed Brubaker’s opening storyline on Daredevil from a few months back. Just a series of cameos, really, but a far, far cooler integration of Punisher with the Marvel Universe than the trainwreck that is War Journal.

David Martindale Read and Thought:

Elephantmen #0 (Image Comics): Beautiful art by Ladrönn and a good introduction story to the world of the Elephantmen from Richard Starkings, Ladrönn, and Joe Casey. This issue makes for an above average read taken on it’s own, but fans of Elephatmen and Hip Flask should definitely enjoy this origin issue. If you were previously a fan, pick it up. If you are new to the series, definitely pick it up along with a copy of the incredible first issue, Elephantmen #1.

Enigma Cipher #1 of 2 (Boom Studios): The book is a pretty suspenseful and intriguing little conspiracy yarn. The art is pretty nice too. We’ve got an encrypted Nazi communication from World War II that inspires at least a portion of the United States government to kill off anybody who knows anything about it, including our main character, a grad student that is a little too smart for her own good. The only real problem is that the entire premise of the book rests upon the main character making a jump of logic that seems extremely unbelievable. If you can look past that, it’s actually pretty decent.

Red Menace #1 of 6 (wildstorm): The Eagle attempts to defend himself from Joe McCarthy’s communist witch hunt while also striving to defend the citizens of Los Angeles from the dangerous criminal element in this old school superhero/action book. Above average writing and solidly competent art. It’s nothing to write home about, but if you’re looking for a new book to try, you could do a lot worse. Flip through it at your shop to see if you might like it.

Zombies: Eclipse Of The Undead #1 (IDW): Seriously, enough with the bad zombie books. I like a good zombie story as much as the next guy, but does there need to be a zombie book every week? Maybe if zombie books made it to the presses based on their actual merit rather than merely making it for no other reason than being a zombie book, we might actually get some decent reading material. Substandard plot, art, and dialogue. Skip it.

Nick Budd Read and Thought:

24 Nightfall #1 (IDW): As a fan of 24, the idea of doing a story that takes place before season one, one that has Jack Bauer heading up a Special Forces strike team against Victor Drazen, sounds like a neat idea. I’m sorry to inform you that it is anything but neat. Where I was hoping for something that gave me the same taut suspense that the first season of the show had, I instead received a bland story that hits the same pit-falls that the television show fell into. Also, the Top-Cowish, very pretty art style doesn’t mesh with what is inherently a spy book. Fans of the show might find some of the little things that are mentioned nice tidbits, but other than that, 24 Nightfall is one that you can safely miss.

Connor Hawke Dragon’s Blood #1 of 6 (DC Comics): Want some old fashioned archery goodness that goes out of its way to blend a nice chunk of entertaining story line and over the top action? Then Connor Hawke Dragon’s Blood is the comic book for you. I really have never been that big of a fan of Connor Hawke as a character, but Chuck Dixon works a bit of magic and brings a certain flair to him that shows promise. Throw in some Phil Hester-esque art by Derec Donovan and the beginnings of an archery contest that’s attended by some surprise guests, and you’ve got a book that’s certainly worth checking out.

Randy Lander Read and Thought:

Planetary Brigade Origins #1 of 3 (Boom! Studios): Giffen and DeMatteis are well known for their superhero parody shtick, which served them well on Justice League International, but it can occasionally feel a little stale, as it does with Planetary Brigade Origins. Riffs on the Hulk’s origin and the archetypes of the Justice League and the Avengers are pretty played out, and there’s not much new offered here. OK, the gay version of the Martian Manhunter is kinda funny, but it’s a pretty obvious and borderline offensive joke as well. Nice art by Julia Bax and Imaginary Friends coloring, and a perfectly serviceable effort in the superhero parody vein, but if you’re looking for lots of laughs or any innovation… best look elsewhere.

The Damaged #1 (A-10 Comics): This book has art by MD Bright, of Quantum & Woody fame. That is unfortunately the only thing to recommend it, and even that suffers from average quality inks and colors by Lynx Studio. The dialogue is clunky, clearly aimed at communicating expository information and shallow characterization instead of conveying actual personality, and it’s all too often predictable and cliched as well. There are grammatical errors (a character ascending from the depths is trying to avoid “the Benz,” and he’s not dodging an underwater luxury car), pacing problems (the characters go from a serious moment discussing an impending death to a happy bit of unrelated nostalgia in one panel) and the weird elements in the story, including meteors, aliens and superpowers, aren’t interesting or new enough to draw this reader in.

Drain #1 (Image Comics): If you’re going to write a vampire tale in the post-Blade, post-Buffy era, you’ve got to bring something special to the table. Drain references the various other vampire literature, but doesn’t really have much new to say. The recipe for Drain? Take one hot girl, add ninja, lesbian and standard vengeance story elements, serve up with surface pretty but structurally shaky artwork and uninspiring dialogue and plotting. Serve to fans of Witchblade, Tomb Raider, Magdalena and the like.

Mischief Night Special #1 (Avatar Press): Evil undead goths haunt a popular girl after murdering her best friend. If you guessed “Brian Pulido book,” well… the clues were pretty easy. Mischief Night is relatively inoffensive, featuring basically solid artwork by Juan Jose Ryp and a plot and characters that wouldn’t be out of place in your average slasher flick, but it’s also relatively brainless and predictable. The high school cliques and friendships are drawn more from cliche than what high school was or is actually like, the villains of the piece lack the charisma or striking visuals of a Freddy, Jason or Leatherface and the whole thing is a little too ludicrous and in your face to actually be scary or creepy. Given that Wildstorm has the big horror licenses and Devil’s Due has Hack/Slash, Mischief Night mostly looks like a bland also-ran in the slasher sub-genre.